I can't anymore
I'm a 32 years old male. I have a girlfriend that loves me, and I love her back, a caring family, my own flat with everything I enjoy in it, and I'm on a well paid corporate job, but it's a dead end job, a job that I don't completly hate, but I hate almost everything in it, the people who work with me, the clients, the main purpose of the entire thing, the work schedule, my CEO's. I feel depressed all the time, but I don't feel entitle to be depressed, so I don't tell anyone. Is not easy to get a job with the same salary in this forsaken city, I hate to travel, I hate big changes, I end up drowing myself in whisky and beer and smoke cigarette after cigarette and think about ways to kill myself. I've tried to kill myself a couple of time, most of the time ended up with a huge hangover, I'm pretty sure my girlfriend knows about my depression, but she jokes about it, telling I don't have any reason to be depressed, it's true, I don't have, I just want the pain and self hate to disapear without any medication.