What annoys me is that I have watched myself get physically and emotionally cheated on again and again and then every single time I watch it happen I allow myself to get gaslighted into feeling crazy and then I become that crazy and go through R's phone only to find out that I was right- just like every other time. But it's never as bad as it was the first time, so since I didn't leave then I feel like I have no reason to even be mad because it's just flirty texts. what also annoys me is that so many of the things R praises Grace for are things that I get criticized for. I'm hurting so much but if I talk about it R will just keep me up all night begging me to stay. My heart hurts.